I think I smell. Rae mentioned the other day that my room smelled bad, and I think it's probably true even though I can't really pick up on it much myself. I have to do laundry pretty soon, but that's not a new thing - it happens, you know, every two weeks. There's been sweat lately - because of heat, stress, and dance - and it doesn't all go away. But something else. I'm not in the best physical health right now; I'm not specifically sick or anything, I've just been feeling kind of odd. My stomach has been somewhat uneasy for much of this week - related to diet and to stress, i think, but i can't tell exactly how. There will be some mention of those things in my entries for Tuesday and yesterday.

As for emotional health, something has come up that I do want to write about, but I'm not sure how best to approach it, either here or elsewhere. Again, it's not something pinpointable, or problematic enough to be a major interference, its just uncertainty and malaise. Kate Duffy, with whom I'm going to see the Superfurryanimals tonight, sent me an e-mail with the sign-off greeting "rock and roll is here to stay." And for some reason that made me feel a whole lot better.

I had a funny kind of phantasmagoric dream last night (I'm not quite sure what that word means, but it seems to fit) with a huge cast of characters - mostly folks from here at Swat, in a dizzying series of circumstances. I can't remember a lot of the details now as well as I could when I woke up (darn, should have written then), but there were a lot of emotions involved. One specific thing that I remember clearly, because it was right before I woke up, was that I splashed a bottle of water in the face of Gerrit Ash, a freshman who's in my philosophy class; he seems like a pretty likable guy, even though he says "like" something awful. I was frustrated and lashing out, but right after I splashed him, I said "that was mean. i really didn't mean to do that" and I tried to apologize to him and I wanted to apologie so much that I started crying. I was walking around with different people, but much of the time was with one female companion. Except sometimes it was Rae, sometimes it was Alyssa, sometimes Brigid, and probably others too - I realized after I woke up that it hadn't been clear always which was which and when it changed between them. I do remember being really excited about Brigid at one point. There was a lot more too; Rebecca was in it, and Joel, and also a lot of folks that I don't know very well.

Besides smelling and ailing, other things that I've been doing a lot: listening to Elvis Costello, and getting his songs stuck in my head; checking e-mail (worthstock and assassins fill up my box like crazy); wondering about my hair; wearing long-sleeve shirts that aren't sweaters or button-downs (it's cold again - raining today - but I can't bring myself to go back to sweaters.)

here lie the records that she scratched
and on the sleeve I find a note attached
and it's so like candy

my darling dear it's such a waste
she couldn't say goodbye, but "i admire (despise) your taste"