mmmm. hahaha. smitten, with all the physical (lightheaded, wooziness, pounding heartbeat) and mental (preoccupation, giddiness) symptoms. this hasn't happened in a long time, i think. (?) i wrote on my board: "smitten x10^?" [that's a historical reference, which of course aft got. yes, eh? indeed.]

this morning (when i started writing that) and last night, i was just stupid happy. stupid happy. i've come down a bit now (haven't seen her all day), but scrabble sidechats with ester, and sunny pop-rock (the real tuesday weld and jason falkner) are enough to bring the buzz back.

i think maybe i shouldn't write about this just yet. wait a little longer. i was successfully secretive for a while, but when my first co-conspirator ran away for the weekend without telling me, i caved and found a second and third. and now you. oh, okay…long story short: [after i spilled for the second time, and turned stef onto nmh,] she was at the tango last night, just unbelievably beautiful in formal green. we didn't dance but for a few moments by way of instruction; i did with her friend but she kept disappearing at inopportune times. we did talk later, and poked our heads in phi psi, where, inexplicably, a halfway-decent live band was performing for an exclusively male, swilling, inattentive audience. then i rejoined my friends and they theirs, but it was a start. okay, okay? don't ask me about it just yet.

the tango, even other than that, was fantastic. i had no shortage of partners (liza, laurel, two linds[a/e(?)]ys, at least two joannes, one or two elizabeths), just shortage of floor space - both of which mean there were a lot of people, which was great to see. after a handful of dances, i felt like my lead picked up to where it had been - if i had an experienced follower i could make stuff up; with an inexperienced follower i could usually refrain. and the band - fantastic too. i had to keep looking up to remind myself it was live. that maybe doesn't sound like a compliment, but anyway they were really good.

as for olde club (first a detour with ester to home and back; more tango between sets) : mazarin were nice, but only compelling some of the time. a funny pun on fret and frat. the walkmen were very enjoyable, though they're totally the strokes with slower tempos and more piano. u2 comparison is apt too. good singer. they did an encore of the kinks' "come dancing," which was way fun. and i bought the record, not on the strength of the show but of recs all around, and the persuasive salesfriend.

oh, and today. in bed i listened, then brunched, read, practiced, listened, read, dinnered, was giddy, came home and wrote a pulp review, played three playsite scrabble games with ester across campus (two abortive, one coincident with shargel visit.) i thought the weather was terrific, though maybe that makes me crazy. too cold inside, so i lay in the grass in kohlberg courtyard, in the heavy and not hot but humid, and read printed-out blackboard articles. it would drizzle, piddling precipitation that was more just the realization of moisture than anything falling - it made pleasing pops on my paper whose impact i couldn't even detect with sight or touch, or it dampened microspots through the backs of my sunday pants. later it got more intense; by the end of the second article the paper was getting flimsy and my backpack visibly patchy. dramatic weather. today was dramatic. today was dramatic, tomorrow will be okay. today is okay too.

[ester thinks i maybe should tone down the first few paragraphs of this post. i think so too maybe, but i wanted to preserve the way i was feeling this morning. it is a fine fine way to feel. but who knows what tomorrow may bring. no portents, no retroactive wincing please ross. i'm not concerned about that. i was talking to ester last night about how unspeakably thankful i am for this charmed life that i live.]

ifihadyouiwouldnevereveraskforanythingagainaslongasilive